I miss you journal friend.

Hi. I'm not usually up this late. I feel restless. I want to feel alive. You know that feeling of really living? When your soul awakens and your body tingles with...life? I feel like I'm wasting away. Sitting. Ugh. I do too much sitting. I have so much on my mind. My journal is full and I haven't bought a new one yet. I want to write! I miss using a pen on paper. Technology makes me feel so disconnected. I think the iPhone is a blessing-but mostly a curse. I can't just sit any more. I used to be a human being. I liked to BE. Just be alone with myself my thoughts my surroundings. Now I just stare at my phone. Looking for something to do. As if just sitting isn't enough. Like I'm bored with life and always have to be doing. Even if what I'm doing is a waste. I don't know what to do with myself. I miss thinking. I used to be a thinker. Not just this stupid surface stuff but deep thinking. Where did that part of me go? I think I really need a journal. Where did my ability to make things happen go? Now it takes hours just to do something...anything. I can't leave the house without major planning. Sometimes I think I'm failing. Big time. How does everyone else do it? I am not super. I'm not even mediocre. What am I? How do I get to where I want to be? Especially when what I've been trying isn't working. Can I set goals and actually keep them? Are you sick of my yet? I am. Goodnight. Until next time.

P.S. Carter is so cute! I can't believe he is almost 4 months old! You should see his smiles and his cute pudgey hands :)