in loving memory

There are lots of things I hope to remember about this memorial day. Carter and elephants under the blankets. Shawn's excitement about his first air show. The most beautiful weather. A simple feeling of contentedness. Watching the stars in the night sky...

But as this day comes to a close I can't help but think of all the people who have left this life since this day last year. I'm sure years usually go by without anyone I know passing away. But not this year. There are four people that come to mind (although I think there might be others). Some I knew well. Others I had only met once or twice. Their lives and subsequently their deaths have affected me and those I love and care about.

I am so grateful everyone who is still alive. I feel so blessed. Family is so so so important. Ancestors. Current. Those yet to come. We are all connected. Don't forget anyone...

In Loving Memory

Granny

"Grandpa Bill"

Heather's Mom

Grandpa Brock


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22 months of Motherhood

I have been a mom for exactly 22 months. What a life changing experience! I love being a mom, and I love my little boy. Carter truly makes being a mom great. I wouldn't be the mother I am today without him. Thanks buddy! I hope I'm always a good mom... I learn more everyday. Sometimes it's hard, but seeing this face makes it all worth it!





Happy Mothers Day!!

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Random

Our Mac is dying. It makes me sad. :( It might be like 6+ years old. Which is like what? 87 in computer years?

Carter is napping. Instead of doing what I'm supposed to, I'm watching TV. New Girl. So funny.

My birthday is this month. I'll be 27. That feels old. Seriously? That is really close to 30!

Ok that's all.


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The place I am right now

So I feel like lately I've been reading some open personal deep blogs...and it's not something I usually do. I'm not sure why, but tonight I'm in the mood to write. I guess my mind is just in a thoughtful place. Today I was chatting with my mother in law about Stephanie Nielson's book, Heaven is Here. (which I really enjoyed) she commented that she loved how Stephanie was so open about just wanting to be married and have kids. And I guess it got me thinking. I am not one of those girls. I don't remember what I wanted to be when I was little, but it wasn't a "mother". I still don't know what I want. I knew I'd finish college. I hoped to get married and I figured I would have kids...but not for a while. It's just part of life. You get married and have kids. To be honest I never thought much past college goal wise. I was always frustrated when school counselors would want me to pick what I wanted to do. I had no clear path. I am good at just about anything I try. But I have longed to be excel at something. You know. To tell me, "This, this is what you should be doing" I haven't found it yet. Sometimes I feel so lost. I could do anything I wanted, but I don't want to do anything. I thought about getting my Masters degree, but what would I get it in?? I can't answer that, so I won't go until I do. Right now I'm a mom. I love Carter. I am so excited for this new baby. But being a mom is hard. It stresses me out. I'm doing ok, but it seriously takes everything I have. I am happy in this space. Being home is a great adventure. But it doesn't come easy, and I sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am. Or what I like or want. Right now I have a chunk of money to spend. On whatever I want. For me. It's just sitting in the bank because I can't think of anything. Oh I thought of a swing set for Carter, or using it for house projects, but that isn't for me... I don't really want to go clothes shopping. I thought about giving it to my cousin's family, cuz they are good people going through a rough time, but I wouldn't want her to think it was out of pity. And the stipulation is that it's my money to spend on whatever I want. I can't think of anything I want to buy. Seriously? Is there something wrong with me? It's my birthday this month. I can't think of a single thing to ask for. Life is good. It's not perfect, but I love my husband and he takes care of us. If I need something I can buy it, we have a roof over our heads and food on the shelves. I hope I don't sound ungrateful, because I am. I never thought I would reach this point in my life...where I didn't want for much of anything. It's incredible and I have no idea why I've been so blessed. Sometimes I feel guilty. My life is just good. And trust me it's not from anything I do. And it's not perfect, and there is so much we could do around this house of ours (hello fixer upper!) and my cooking could definitely improve. Those are just nice things. "Boy wouldn't it be nice if..." Anyway. I can think of one thing I want. And you can't buy it with money. At least not good ones. And I've forgotten how to make or keep them :( Anyway. I can't stop crying, so I'm gonna go to bed now...

Cats and Bags and Things

It's time to let the cat out of the bag.



WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!

Some of you probably wondered...others may have guessed.

My due date is October 19th. We are so excited! (although not quite sure how to be parents of two?!?)

Shawn is so sure it's a girl. My mom is too. Me? I don't know what to think! I'd be happy with either. Just a healthy baby for me!

Oh and if I could not be sick anymore that would be great too. This pregnancy has been tons worse than Carter's in that respect. Oh well. I'll survive. :) I've made it this far.

So. Now you know.

Wahoo baby #2!


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This Weekend

This weekend was pretty great! For so many reasons...

My cousin Jalynn got married on Friday. So Thursday Carter and I drove to Pocatello. Carter slept the whole way...it was incredible! Anyway. That night we spent time with family, and I helped with a few final wedding preparations. I tied the ribbons for the center pieces, and helped with one of her bridal photos.








Friday we drove to Idaho Falls. It was fun being back there. I can't believe it's been almost 6 years since I lived there for the summer. Carter and I stopped by Great Harvest for lunch before the ceremony. He got butter everywhere! But it was cute to see him eating that big piece of bread. We rushed to the Visitors Center, and I dropped Carter off with my cousins who were unable to attend the temple. I was a little late, but I guess that's why they tell you to get there 30 minutes early--so you're always on time for the actual ceremony!

The marriage was beautiful. One of my favorites. It was very spiritual, and emotional, and educational. This wedding truly was a miracle. Jalynn and Brent have dated on/off for over 8 years! They'd been engaged previously but called it off. For some reason the timing wasn't right, but it was right this time. Everything just clicked, and I couldn't be more happy for them! (I just realized I didn't take any pictures of them...whoops!)

We headed over to the wedding luncheon and Carter had so much fun playing with all the kids. Brent has 9 siblings, and 38 nieces and nephews! There were kids everywhere! Then we headed back to Pocatello, Carter napped in the car, and continued to nap when I transferred him to bed (Hooray!) I fell asleep too, so we were late to the reception, especially after we grabbed dinner at Jack in the Box. Carter got his "chickenwithfries" and I got the cheesy potato wedges.

The reception was beautiful, and they had a great ice cream sundae bar with tons of toppings. We got to visit with more family, and Carter had fun dancing to the music. They did a cute program at the end celebrating my Aunt and Uncle's 40th Wedding Anniversary. Then Jalynn and Brent spoke and Brent sang her a song. It was super sweet. I stayed for a bit to help clean up, but then it was off to bed for Carter.




Saturday I planned to watch conference, check out of our hotel, get lunch, visit with family for a bit, and then drive home during the afternoon session during Carter's nap. It did not work out that way! My sister invited us to my cousins for crepes, so we loaded up and checked out and listened to the first session there. Carter was having fun playing, and I was having fun visiting, so we stayed through the second session too! Then my cousin asked if we needed to drive home, or if we could stay, and invited us to spend the night at her house. I had packed extra clothes (you never know with a toddler), so we decided to stay another night! We all went over to my aunt's house to celebrate their anniversary. I had so much fun just talking and hanging out with family. Later we put the kids to bed, and stayed up late talking. It was so refreshing. Sunday we watched conference, ate lunch, and I drove home. Carter slept a good chunk of the way. I listened to conference while I drove. It was such a great weekend!




I didn't get as much out of conference as I usually do. There were kids everywhere, and people talking here and there. I only remember bits and pieces. But I still feel so whole. Like somehow being with those people, and the conversations I had were just what I needed! I feel encouraged and strengthened in so many ways.

It was a great weekend, and I'm looking forward to this week! Carly and Cheryl are in town, and then I head to San Diego on Friday. It should be good!!

A Conversation

When I was working (I know its only been a week) everyday when I picked Carter up form the babysitter's as we drove home I would ask him about his day, what he did, who he saw. The conversations were usually lead by me, with lots of "yesh" responses from Carter. Lisa watches Carter on Thursdays, and because she isn't a "biological" grandparent, she has asked to continue watching Carter on Thursdays even when I'm home so she can still see him. I thought it sounded wonderful--a guaranteed 3 hours to myself every Thursday, to do whatever I needed/wanted? Yes, Please!

Driving home today, I started asking Carter some of the normal questions...and I asked him, "Who did you see today at Lisa's?" Without missing a beat he said, "Jesus!" I chuckled, and said, "You saw Jesus? That's fun!" I was caught off guard by his response...I was expecting him to say Kasen, Chad, or even Lisa...but he didn't. He said Jesus.

and I've been thinking about that ever since.

How grateful I am, to have Lisa watch Carter. That he can been in a warm, loving enviroment; where he can feel the Spirit, and maybe even the presence of his Savior. How blessed I am to be the mother of such a spiritually wise 19 month old little boy. Who reminds me every day how much the Jesus Christ loves me. Who wants me to sing "Jesus Beam" over and over.Carter truly is a sunbeam of love from my Heavenly Father. I love him so much. I am indebted to Lisa, Carrie, and my Dad for watching him week in and week out the last year and a half. Teaching him and loving him and being there for him while I was away at work. I look forward to being able to spend more time with my little boy. I hope he will know and feel of my love for him, and the love of the Lord. I hope I can teach him well. I worry so much about the responsibility of guiding his sweet spirit in this world of turmoil. Sometimes I feel as if he's teaching me...